Some Days Are Better Than Others

Mom's move to memory care has been an adjustment for all of us, and as always, we're finding that some days are better than others. Mornings seem to be the best, with more activity going on and of course, the possiblity of bright sun streaming in through windows. Evenings can be harder, and we can't help but feel for Mom when she says she's lonely for Dad. She does seem to like her new place, though, and she's met some new friends.

Her leg has been bothering her again, and she's preferring to spend most of the time in her new wheelchair. She says that it's so comfortable, and she feels safer from falls when she's sitting in it. I know a person can start to lose strength and mobility when they spend most of their time sitting, but I guess when you're almost 89, you should probably be able to do what makes you feel safe and comfortable.

Mark added some risers to the sofa and chair, and hopefully that'll make it easier for Mom when she tries to get up from sitting on them. The other morning when I went to visit Mom, she seemed calm and content, which was a welcome thing to see. It's good to take notice and be grateful for the times that she seems more like herself!

We spent some time watching the fish and birds, and then reminisced about how we'd watch the fish and birds with Dad when we went to see him at the Care Center. I'm thinking that maybe we do more of that when we visit.

35 Years

35 years? How can this be? Just a little blip in time, it seems, but we do keep going!

I kind of like that we don't usually celebrate too big, but since our anniversary also falls on Valentine's Day, there has to be a couple of celebrations at least. I went to see Mom in the morning, and brought her candy and a new baby for her bed, a soft black lab stuffed animal, in memory of a dog we used to have, Caesar's Ghost.

Katie and little boy stopped over with a homemade Valentine card that had a sticker of a guinea pig on it. I start to laugh whenever I think of little boy's face before he gave me the card, so absorbed he was in looking at that guinea pig sticker. Katie also gave us two Valentine cheesecakes, yummy to eat while we watched our nightly episode of Downton Abbey.

I made a roast in the crockpot, which was extra special because I haven't been buying much meat since the Pandemic began. We had roasted brussels sprouts and mashed potatoes with the roast, and opened a bottle of Merlot.

We each gave each other a heart shaped box of chocolates, and Bruce gave me turtles, my favorite. Bruce also gave me a red rechargeable tire inflator, and if that doesn't say love, I don't know what does!

The day after Valentine's Day, we went to the Chanhassen Dinner Theater to see Footloose. Bruce ordered the steak dinner, but I opted to try something different, the Vegan Impossi-Loaf. It was interesting, and tasted of sage and thyme. I'm not sorry I tried it, but maybe next time I'll get the famous Chanhassen Chicken again. The music was fun! And, it really wasn't too bad to wear my mask most of the time. We had to show proof of vaccination status, and people were pretty good about wearing their masks when they weren't eating or drinking. I suppose the mask mandate will be lifted soon, just when I'm finally comfortable wearing one...

Hard to imagine that we'll live another 35 years, but you never know. Wouldn't that be an honor?

January Bookclub

I've been so distracted with Mom's move, that I forgot to write about our January Bookclub Beauties meeting! Sunday, January 23rd was cold and roads were a little icy, but everyone made it over here. We decided to eat in front of the fire, and it was so nice and warm. Our book selection was the Joy Luck Club by Amy Tan. I did finish it, but again, I've been so distracted lately that I had a difficult time getting through it. Cathy chose to watch the movie instead! I made Mom's egg casserole and tots, Kat made "fancy ham and cheese" (which we dipped in dijon mustard), Cathy made blueberry buckle, and Mona brought fresh fruit. We also had a hot apple juice drink (fireball whiskey optional), and Boones Farm fuzzy navel wine. Mona brought a topper hair piece someone had gifted her, and we helped trouble shoot good ways to secure it on her head. Kat brought everybody a hot buttered rum mix! I love these ladies so much. Our next book selection will be Echoes of The Soul by Echo Bodine, and we're all very excited to read and discuss this one! We'll meet at Mona's condo at the end of February for our next gathering.

Wordless Wednesday

Mom Makes A Move

A couple of weeks ago as I was driving to see Mom, a large bald eagle flew down in front of my windshield, and landed in a low branch of a tree across the road, and just sat. I was amazed to see it so close, and sitting so still. I didn't think eagles flew down so low, and could hardly believe my eyes when it flew right in front of me! I wonder at times about the meaning of these things, so I looked online for a symbolic reason as to why a bald eagle would cross my path so closely. What I found was that it could be a message, telling me that change was coming. And, that I needed to be brave when I moved through that change.

It's become obvious that Mom needs more help these days. We've tried to keep her in her familiar apartment for as long as possible, but there comes a time when a move just needs to happen. And, it never feels good to move your mom into memory care (like it never felt good to move dad into a care center), but sometimes it has to be, and you have to move forward, even when afraid.

I wondered where the best place for her to be was. (I agonized over where the best place for her to be was.) Should she move downstairs in her same building, where we were already familiar with the staff and routines? Where we already knew the strengths and weaknesses? Because, one thing we've learned over the last 10 years of caring for aging parents, is that there is nowhere perfect for them to be. You try your best to find the best place, and then when you realize that place isn't perfect, you have to try to look for all the things you can be grateful for there. You try to see all the good the staff is doing. That helps a little.

I decided I should take a tour of another place close by. I actually had very high hopes of what I might see, but then told myself not to make too much of it in my mind, because then I would most likely be disappointed. I prayed that things would be made very clear to me about how I would decide between the two places, but I didn't know what those things were. As we took the tour, something didn't feel quite right. It was a nice place and all, but then I realized that it was too dark and quiet, and that I had been hoping for lots of sunlight streaming in through windows. Mom loves bright sun.

So, we took another look at the place where Mom already lived in. It's an older building, and not fancy at all. They had an apartment available, and even one with the same view Mom currently had of the park and ice rink across the street. There was bright sun streaming in through the windows. And the activity director told me how excited she was that she had a new assistant starting that would be helping her run more afternoon activities. It was then that I realized that the clear things I was looking for (in addition to being safe and them being nice to Mom), was the need for sunlight and some fun activities. Not perfection, but things that Mom enjoys.

Same view of the park out Mom's window

A fun window to decorate!

The move itself was stressful and fast paced, but we got it done. We tried to bring as much of Mom's furniture with as we could, and tried to set things up so it would seem familiar. We brought the daybed that Katie used when she was little, and it looked nice. In fact, the whole place ended up very cozy and comfortable looking. Mom spent the morning doing activities, and after lunch came to see her new place. She was surprised, but not upset. She said she liked it!

Babies on the bed

Jesus picture I bought when I was 9 years old!

It's been a week now since Mom's moved. We've all been trying to get used to a new space and new routine, but it's been mostly good. And, Mom seems to be more content because there's always someone around. I think the other part of the building was just getting too large for her, and people there were often away in their own places, and not in common areas where Mom could see them and socialize. Time will tell, but I'm thinking that this move was just what Mom needed.