Mom Makes A Move

A couple of weeks ago as I was driving to see Mom, a large bald eagle flew down in front of my windshield, and landed in a low branch of a tree across the road, and just sat. I was amazed to see it so close, and sitting so still. I didn't think eagles flew down so low, and could hardly believe my eyes when it flew right in front of me! I wonder at times about the meaning of these things, so I looked online for a symbolic reason as to why a bald eagle would cross my path so closely. What I found was that it could be a message, telling me that change was coming. And, that I needed to be brave when I moved through that change.

It's become obvious that Mom needs more help these days. We've tried to keep her in her familiar apartment for as long as possible, but there comes a time when a move just needs to happen. And, it never feels good to move your mom into memory care (like it never felt good to move dad into a care center), but sometimes it has to be, and you have to move forward, even when afraid.

I wondered where the best place for her to be was. (I agonized over where the best place for her to be was.) Should she move downstairs in her same building, where we were already familiar with the staff and routines? Where we already knew the strengths and weaknesses? Because, one thing we've learned over the last 10 years of caring for aging parents, is that there is nowhere perfect for them to be. You try your best to find the best place, and then when you realize that place isn't perfect, you have to try to look for all the things you can be grateful for there. You try to see all the good the staff is doing. That helps a little.

I decided I should take a tour of another place close by. I actually had very high hopes of what I might see, but then told myself not to make too much of it in my mind, because then I would most likely be disappointed. I prayed that things would be made very clear to me about how I would decide between the two places, but I didn't know what those things were. As we took the tour, something didn't feel quite right. It was a nice place and all, but then I realized that it was too dark and quiet, and that I had been hoping for lots of sunlight streaming in through windows. Mom loves bright sun.

So, we took another look at the place where Mom already lived in. It's an older building, and not fancy at all. They had an apartment available, and even one with the same view Mom currently had of the park and ice rink across the street. There was bright sun streaming in through the windows. And the activity director told me how excited she was that she had a new assistant starting that would be helping her run more afternoon activities. It was then that I realized that the clear things I was looking for (in addition to being safe and them being nice to Mom), was the need for sunlight and some fun activities. Not perfection, but things that Mom enjoys.

Same view of the park out Mom's window

A fun window to decorate!

The move itself was stressful and fast paced, but we got it done. We tried to bring as much of Mom's furniture with as we could, and tried to set things up so it would seem familiar. We brought the daybed that Katie used when she was little, and it looked nice. In fact, the whole place ended up very cozy and comfortable looking. Mom spent the morning doing activities, and after lunch came to see her new place. She was surprised, but not upset. She said she liked it!

Babies on the bed

Jesus picture I bought when I was 9 years old!

It's been a week now since Mom's moved. We've all been trying to get used to a new space and new routine, but it's been mostly good. And, Mom seems to be more content because there's always someone around. I think the other part of the building was just getting too large for her, and people there were often away in their own places, and not in common areas where Mom could see them and socialize. Time will tell, but I'm thinking that this move was just what Mom needed.