Reflections On The Year

I've been in a reflective frame of mind lately, maybe because we've reached the year mark of the pandemic, but also because so many people seem to be hurting these days. I remember when we heard about the first person to test positive in the state of Minnesota. We had started watching the daily afternoon updates on the TV, and as much we wanted to not watch, it was hard to look away. After awhile we did stop watching, the anxiety it inspired was almost too much. I thought, no need to panic, people! After all, I am a nurse. Just wash your hands well after you return from your business outside the house. Stay as healthy as you can! Eat well, sleep well, exercise! I even hung up a sign on the door coming into the kitchen from the garage reminding everyone to wash their hands. People in the household might have taken offense, but I still think it was the right thing to do.

Katie and I attempted to make masks out of some bandanas and rubber bands. Of course, I couldn't breathe in them. Later on, I ordered some masks from a shop on Etsy. I'm sure they were overwhelmed with orders coming in, and they took almost a month to arrive. And that was after I sent several messages pleading with them that they were badly needed. Even those masks were hard to breathe through, so I ordered a different kind from another online vender. With those masks, I could breathe, and could then spend my time social distancing instead of constantly thinking that I was suffocating. I guess I'm a little claustrophobic. I wonder how effective those masks even are ...

Shopping in stores was not fun. There was a heightened sense of worry and stress, you could feel it in the air. People would rush in and grab things as quickly as they could, and there was the expectation that you wouldn't touch anything unless you bought it. Complete aisles were empty, that was a strange thing to see. No toilet paper, kleenex, paper towels, disinfectant wipes, canned goods, dried beans, vitamins, Tylenol, limits on milk and meat. And no bread! I started making beer bread, and pulled out my bread maker. Then it was hard to find flour or yeast. When you did luckily find things on the shelves, you wanted to get as much as you were allowed.

I actually ordered flannel personal wash cloths that could be used for, well, personal reasons. I planned to save the toilet paper and kleenex for Mom. And then ended up loving using the flannel wipes as hankies! I'm still using them for that. And we do have a generous supply of toilet paper now, just in case.

Me and Katie and baby Aaron went for rides in the car through the neighborhoods, and there would be families just walking along the side of the road. Once I made eye contact with a teenage boy, and we nodded a greeting to each other. What teenager does that these days? Things seemed to be changing in the world. People were spooked. Some random doctor posted a video on youtube showing how to use sterile technique in cleaning off your groceries before putting them away in your kitchen. Now that was bizzare.

Then Mom tested positive for the virus. I thought it was a death sentence. She had a cough, and her memory took a dive for the worse. Mark and I took turns calling her every 30 minutes during the day, trying to distract her and remind her to stay in the apartment. It was hard. But she survived!

Summer came, and Bruce and I started walking. Every day, for miles. It felt like the most normal thing we could do, being outside. And we could talk to other people, but from opposite sides of the road, of course. Maybe I injured my toes from all the walking? There came a point that I wondered if I had covid toes, and eventually set up a virtual appointment with my doctor. It was the first time I'd used something like Google Plus for a virtual meeting. Something popped up on the screen over her face, suggesting I could add special effects ... I didn't dare touch anything, just in case I messed things up, so I didn't get to see her face any more after that. She suggested a Covid test, which then took some doing to get arranged. When we approached the testing site (a converted bank parking lot), it was surreal to see all the staff wearing protective clothing that resembled Hazmat suits. And the swab they used was on a long, wire coil that went down my nose and felt like it was going all the way down the back of my throat. They told me to sit on my hands, which was good advice, because I probably would have grabbed at them otherwise. The test result took almost a week to get back. It was negative.

Through all of this, I think the hardest part is not being able to be close to family and friends. From March until December, I was not able to see Mom other than through a screen porch or occasional outside porch visit, with gates between us and masks on. A week or so before Christmas, I was finally allowed to act as a compassionate caregiver to her, and could see her inside her apartment. She has now recently received her first dose of the vaccine, and I've just found out that I can also receive them there since I'm already an established compassionate care giver. I hope it all works out.

I wish fighting the virus hadn't become a political thing. I miss the old days ... eating out in favorite restaurants, being close to other people, being able to hug. I'm not a fan of wearing a mask, but I will. And, maybe these vaccines are on the path back to normal. I hope so.